ADD/ADHD is a frustrating, and disruptive condition…. We are smart, people say.
We just need to try harder, or get organized, or stop procrastinating.
If only it were that easy.
June Silny, The Civil War Inside My Head
ADD/ADHD is a neurological condition that can cause profound damage to self esteem. It is something “tough love” cannot, and does not help.
However, people often unknowingly use tough love with people with ADD/ADHD. They think it will somehow improve our performance. For insight, I love June Silny for sharing that, “Tough Love Doesn’t Work.”
For example, I once had a “boss” condescend to me, saying she had to use tough love with me to improve certain of my administrative skills. She was assuming I wasn’t already trying my hardest. She failed to notice me feeling ashamed, and wearing myself out trying to keep up with paperwork!
Fortunately, We now have fMRI brain imaging available, shows what pushing someone with ADHD can look like inside the brain. Certain of the brain’s function or activity literally decreases, in what I unscientifically call brain freeze. This is partly why some students with ADD/ADHD may need more time to take tests.
If you aren’t challenged by ADD/ADHD, but love someone who is, I wonder what you think of the following article by June in ADDitude Magazine. It may help make sense of that sometimes baffling person you care about.